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Wednesday, 23 December 2015

My Conclusion of 2015

It was a big year. Then again, when is it never a 'big year'?

2014 was a year of ambivalence; of feeling happy, free and excited yet depressed, sad and hopeless. And although it was a year where so much had happened, where I began to really find myself and made relationships that have continued to influence and have an impact on my life, I'm glad 2015 was not the same.

The residue of how I felt in 2014 still followed me into the new year, affecting me and my actions quite negatively but with the help of my partner, the thoughts that used to dwell in my mind have gone and contentment has once again found solitude in my heart.
2015 is the year where I got a taste of money, as well as the real life. It's also the year where I found that an office job is not for me, and where I truly began to take my writings seriously. It's the year where I found myself even more, where I can be happy and actually enjoy being on my own without the help of alcohol or other substances.

It was a year of reflection; reflection of some of the most significant events in my entire life where I have then learnt not only so much about myself, but of my friends and family. Some of the perceptions I was leading of particular people have now been questioned and I see things so differently but have found understanding too.

Overall, it was a challenging year, and not at all how I had expected. I expected clubbing every weekend, taking advantage of being an eighteen year old girl, of getting up to mischief and being reckless but instead I grew a hell of a lot up. I took to my thoughts and trusted my instincts and in conclusion, have reflected, learnt and comprehended so much.

I have no idea what to expect for next year. No one ever can. Things can change as quickly as February. But that's the exciting part.
I used to hate change. No, despised it. I like to have expectations and I like my expectations met and if there was any real challenge I had to face this year, it was accepting disappointment and learning to not get my hopes up.

But I realise now that's all okay. Something else came out of it all. And I'm sure next year will be the same.

My sister and I


Monday, 14 December 2015

Social Experiment #1

Often I come up with odd and almost non-purposeful theories of society and people or other random aspects of the world, and I have decided to take my mere theories that come to me on bus rides into writing. A few theories I have received include 'Do the toys/games children play the most provide hints to the type of person/career they choose to have?' or 'Is the reason mermaids avoid shark attacks because they dwell in the depths of the ocean and sharks tend to feast near the surface?'

This theory I will however discuss is: do households that display many family photos around the house tend to be unhappier than households who don't?

I came to this idea when I began to wonder why my partner's house held no photos on display. This was strange compared to mine where photographs were literally framed everywhere, from the lounge rooms, hallways, kitchen, dining room and bar. Having photos of your family around the house is a nromal thing for me. Wouldn't my partner's family want to reminisce of the past and experiences their family has shared?
Then again, their house is perhaps the most positive and happy household I have ever come across. Communication is an important thing and discussions in the evening around the kitchen was an actually enjoyable past time. Whereas in my household, dinner was eaten in silence apart from the loud murmurs of the Channel 9 News in the background. Every member in my household also keeps to themselves and has their own room or part of the house they dwell, and diner aside, crossing paths and interacting with each other (apart from yelling or fighting about something) is not common.

Could photographs being displayed throughout the house somehow contribute to this? Probably not, but I found the tendency of this observation quite high. Perhaps it is because the photographs are fake, mostly taken in professional manners or 'family photo' styles and not 'in-the-moment'. The photographs in my house are not showing an experience but are showing people instead. Or perhaps it is because the display of photographs around the house encourages people to constantly look back, not forward, or in the moment? The photographs all display a happy family but then why do I feel we are the furthest thing from it?

My mothers house, where I don't live, also has only a few photographs around the house. There being a number of 5 children in that house means it is often hectic and extremely loud, with yelling and crying in the background but laughing too. Most of the time everyone is happy, the kids play and associate with each other and going there from my house where I live with my nanna and pop, is a much more pleasant experience, although a hectic one at that.

This theory also applied for my best friend's house where she no longer lives. Her house too, displayed many photographs of a family I honestly could not recognise. Her household was very negative, emotionally, mentally and physically abusive (at times). Her house was definitely worse than mine and if I had not been so close to her to witness these sad and negative occasions, I would have mistaken them for the family presented on their walls.

I'll continue to observe and add to this post of any more of my findings. Feel free to comment yours and or to share your own theory.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

The Key to Relationships (in my opinion)

I don't know the secrets to relationships. I don't really know how to impress a guy or get them to stay around. I'm as blind as anyone else, trying to avoid hidden land mines or bottomless pits. Besides, every relationship is different.

But if I have learned anything, and this I truly believe, that the hardest relationships are the ones that begin perfectly. They rarely last. 

Because let's face it, perfection isn't real. It's a facade people put on to impress one another. And at first it's fine. 'Perfect' should I say. But what happens when the 'cupcake phase' ends? What happens when people get lazy and their facade starts to slip? Or when their flaws are revealed or it starts getting tough? The realisation that your relationship or that person wasn't as perfect as you were lead to believe can often hurt more than the break up itself. These relationships, as perfect as they seemed are a lie. 

I'm not sure how to avoid this. Sometimes people can't help falling in love so irrationally. Perhaps that is where our walls come in; to protect us from the illusion that compels us. 

My best bet would be to take things slow. Get to know the good and the bad of the person you're giving your heart to. Because relationships aren't just us about seeing only the good in each other, it's about seeing the bad and loving them anyway. 

Now, I think I'll talk this as an opportunity to appreciate my other half. We weren't perfect for each other in the beginning, not at all. We clashed, annoyed each other and sometimes argued. But we saw potential in each other for something great. 23 months later we have grown, 'evolved' you might say. We become more 'perfect' for each other as times goes on. Through the good and the bad, his asshole moments and my bitchy mood swings. 

I'm still blind, avoiding land mines and bottomless pits, but I know if I did blow up or fall into darkness, he'll be there, catching me or picking up my pieces, no matter how ugly it got. And this I believe is key.