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Thursday, 29 September 2016

Chasing Waterfalls





And here are a few photos that I love, taken of me when my boyfriend and I found a waterfall in our small city of Perth, that not many people know about.
And because I'm selfish, I'm going to try and make it remain that way and not declare its location out loud to just anybody.

This is precisely how I plan to spend my Summer. Finding water bodies, dipping my toes in if not my entire body, appreciating the beauty that this world created all on its own for us to marvel at it; showing a close friend one by one of these beautiful places in the hopes that the rubbish I found on the rocks left behind by previous visitors will not expand.

I decided that I am going to lay off festivals, or at least choose wisely of which ones I am going to attend and try to keep it to a minimum. I get too carried away. I'm also starting to grow bored, finding that each festival I go to is becoming quite the same; everyone getting fucked up, blowing off steam and even myself am often too far gone that I forget to see a few of the acts I really wanted to watch.

Last summer, I went to practically every festival for the hell of it. Don't get me wrong, I loved the artists, and I had some really AMAZING times. I made a lot of memories. But I went because it was a festival and festivals are the bomb.
But now I feel I want to see these acts on-one-on, at an event where not everyone is snorting ecstasy in the port-a-loo's and everyone there is for that one artist, and they get so into it.  
And making this decision, was a big one for me and got me pretty down. I began to wonder, well now what am I going to do this summer? I got day-by-day being excited to attend the next festival and now that excitement is gone.
And then I remembered this day only several weeks ago, when I sat on the rocks and it was really windy and cold but beautiful, and we brought a beer each and talked and stared down below and then I thought, this.  

My boyfriend is aware of these weird thoughts and feelings that I have; that things need to be big and extravagant for me in order to feel their worth. It's quite sad, really. He's been trying to convince me for years to appreciate the little things. I thought I was. But only now I do really think I'm beginning to.

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

An Untitled Poem by Me


Put your finger between my teeth, darling,
I promise I will not bite.
But I've drawn your blood before,
Now your hesitant from hindsight.

Wrap your arm around me,
But don’t let more than our skins brush.
wounds don’t heal so quickly,

And your burns are still sensitive to the touch.

This time I'll be gentle,
I'll wait patiently for you to bare all.

Until you let me back in,
And a time of me hurting you, you won’t recall.



Monday, 26 September 2016

Listen Out


Do you ever watch those music videos that portray young people (particularly females) in convertibles, driving down a desolate road with their arms in the air, hair blowing around with smiles of content-ness?

Does it leave you with this sense of nostalgia for a time you never experienced with the urge to run away, go on a road trip with friends and drunkenly explore?
But then you realize that when travelling down a deserted road, it usually means it’s a highway and the speed does not only make the skin on your face push back unattractively with your head hanging out the window, but makes your eyes water, enables you to see and you find its best to just leave your head in its designated safe position in the car. Also, not only do you look like an absolute weirdo with your arms stretched out into the wind, but they soon tire. And the smile of freedom doesn’t last long because you know that once the weekend is over, you return back to your normal life with responsibilities and the sense of freedom the open road gives you is gone in an instant.

Or films and videos of a large group of people sitting around on the beach, watching the sun go down with beers in their hands as if they are exactly where they are supposed to be in life?
It gives me the sense of excitement for summer to come and re-enact that very scene, before realizing my ‘group of people’ would consist of two friends and drinking on nearby beaches are unfortunately prohibited.

So, I guess this is why I love festivals so much. Because yeah, they only last a day or two, and I spent a large sum of money on an outfit I may not wear again, but there, I don’t need to force these re-enactments in order to feel the sense of wildness and freedom. It’s hard not to when surrounded by so many people like you that are there for a good time whilst listening to your favourite bands and musicians, making temporary friends for a day and feeling a close connection with those already close to you.

I attended Listen Out on Sunday the 25th of September. I had been looking forward to it for absolute months, even more so that I was going to be able to spend it with my beloved boyfriend after breaking up and being separated for several months.
I couldn’t wait to run around all day and dance with him and get on his shoulders and kiss him during ‘Innerbloom’ by Rufus whilst singing the lyrics, “if you want me, if you need me, I’m yours”, because I truly meant it. Which was exactly what happened.

If you asked me yesterday how the festival was I would have groaned, which is the usual day-after-festival result when your mind is scattered, you haven’t retrieved all your memory back and you’re so very damn tired. That’s what pills do to you.
Luckily, I only had one, so today, being Tuesday, I am back to feeling like my usual self and now that my head and memories are clearer, I can now confirm that I HAD A GREAT DAY.

I will also say that LDRU is absolutely AMAZEBALLS. And although my boyfriend and I lost our friends and lack of phone reception meant we didn’t find them again for hours, I was glad that I was lost with him and very appreciative that he made me put on jeans last minute as opposed to wearing mini shorts because bloody hell was it cold.

I also caught up with my sister who watched Rufus with us and we danced and got on our boyfriend’s shoulders whilst holding hands and yeah, it was actually such a great day.

So not to be completely typical but hastag-best-day, hashtag-happy-as-a-clam and hastag-nostalgic-for-Rufus



My metallic bodysuit was purchased from Topshop. 
I originally bought black high-waist short to go along with it from Universal store but the weather had me changing into my over worn jeans. 







Thursday, 22 September 2016

Days Without Dawn - Chapter One

So, as mentioned previously I completed the draft to my third novel.
It's still a work in progress as there are only a few of the twenty chapters that I am 80% happy with, including my first chapter.

I still have a long process to go, but it's exciting and I am proud so for a little taste, I have provided the first chapter down below if you are interested.




Days Without Dawn
Chapter One
It was dark. It had just hit the hour of four in the morning. The sky was covered with a thick blanket of dark grey clouds that were beginning to slowly slide away and reveal the stars that are left with only an hour to put on their twinkling display before they disappeared behind the bright rays of the sun. Cadell hoped for a shooting star to pass over. He did not believe in their so-called magical abilities of granting wishes, but now was as good as any time to start.
He’d seen many shooting stars sitting in this exact place before, when he hadn’t come alone. When it was still early enough for cars to still be driving along the road nearby and there wasn’t a thick layer of fog embracing him and his car. He regrets not making wishes on them. He regrets not closing his eyes and hoping with all of his being for something to happen to him; for his biggest desire. But he never thought that he had anything really to wish for. He wasn’t trying to be modest or anything. A pay rise at work wouldn’t be too bad. A complete paid holiday, sure. But he was happy and he had everything he wanted.
Now on the other hand was a completely different story. He knows exactly what he would wish for, but no stars leaving a flash of a bright streak in the dark sky disappearing into the abyss ever passed over him.
And instead he finds himself sitting in his regret that he hadn’t wished for everything he wanted to never disappear.
Cadell reached for his packet of cigarettes that lied on the tray beside him. To his disappointment they were empty. Beside them lay the squished butts of the packet he had smoked throughout the entire night while he had waited and hoped.
Cadell sat up from the alloy tray of his ute. He slid himself off the metal that was freezing against his skin, stepping into the fog and upon the ground that he could not see, slowly moving away from his car. He could make out a tree not so far away - a few meters or so, standing still on the field, its silhouette small against the sky.
Cadell could see his breath in front of him, joining the mist as he walked and breathed heavily with each step. He headed directly for that very tree, approaching it before punching it hard in its cold trunk. The tree didn’t shake, didn’t move, and didn’t flinch. He punched it again.
Cadell couldn’t feel the pain in his knuckles; didn’t care enough to feel the physical pain, but he could feel the other kind of pain; the one that dwelled behind his eyes, in his chest, in his stomach and in his lungs with each breath. He punched the tree again. He was so angry. So angry.
He was angry at the fucking clouds for covering most of the sky; for hiding the shooting stars and keeping their miracle powers for themselves when Cadell needed them, more than ever thought possible. He was angry at the clock-work of this world and for the questions that had no definite answers but mostly for the questions that did. For the things that were inevitable and unchangeable in this world he thought he had accepted. He was angry he had no power. He was powerless against the course of events, himself, the people he loves the most. He had no more power than this tree, standing alone, that towered over him with its thick branches and wide trunk; that yet was still so tiny in comparison to everything.
Cadell dropped to the dirt and onto his knees, the pain in his knuckles becoming not so painless anymore. The aching in his chest began to heavy and he wanted to fall further down, into the grass and the dirt and become nothing more than a part of the ground he stood on. He cried out, loudly, into the fog and at the tree and at the cloud covered sky and at the few stars that he could only barely see. He cried out for her, yelling, tears slipping down his cheeks, as if she could hear him if he cried out just loud enough. But only the tree was his witness and even the tree could not hear. No one could. He was alone now. And there was nothing in this world that could turn anything back. Nor bring anyone back. That was the way of this world. That was one thing the world knew for sure. One of the very few definitive answers in this universe. Everyone leaves.
He sobbed. For the first time that he can recall in a long while, years perhaps, but he knows it will not be the last, he was sure of that. He cried out again, angrily, sad but mostly broken. He cried out to the ground and to the tree and to the stupid sky. He cried and shook and his clenched knuckles began to throb with pain. He cried until there was nothing more to cry then he wiped his eyes with his nicotine stained fingers. What now? He wondered. He had no clue. The world had no answer for that. No answer on what to do next. How to cope. The world only did what it always did and expected you to figure out the rest.
He bent forward, resting his head against the cold and damp earth. He could lie here and never leave. Hope that the earth would take him and grow over him as it had with many creatures before him. But that was not an option. He knew that at least.
He sighed, his breath blowing into the dirt and his wet cheeks catching grains of the sand. Then he sat up, taking another look at the slowly clearing sky and hoping that after all these hours of sitting here, that now would be the time a star shot by, providing him with a miracle or even some sort of hope. But in the distance, across the near-empty field, the few trees that scattered the clearing and above the outline of the forest far away, he could see the faint light of day entering. Its pale blue seeping into a bright orange, lighting up only a fraction of the sky.
He half expected it not to come and for it to forever be night. For dawn to never come. But the day always returns, even when people don’t.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Dear Young One

Some photos of the younger me
 

When I am in a writer’s block I often search for exercises in order to get my creativity going. I frequently stumble across the ‘write a letter to your past self’ exercise.
I’d done something like this in high school once and thought it was kind of ridiculous. One: who in their right mind is going to be brutally honest in regards to their recent experiences on a piece of paper that their teacher is going to read and two: what have we possibly learnt other than Trigonometry and the social and economic consequences post World War One?

But then I thought I’d give it a shot, hearing that it was a form of healing, but also a conclusion to what you have learnt. I did it, and I must say that I feel better, knowing that the times in my life I didn’t so much as appreciate or like served its purpose of helping me to grow and learn.

So, here is my letter to the young teenager who was once me.

Dear the Adolescent Me,

I hope that Blair Waldorf phase is done and dusted by now. You didn’t suit her much anyway; you’re far too nice. But I know now where you’re obsession with her derived from.
Most people in your grade who had the same interest in the show would have loved to have been Serena Van Der Woodsen; but not you – you wanted to be the Bitch.
I realize now that Blair was controlling and manipulative; exercising her power over people because she had quite little control over her own life.
Similarly, your own father was never around, quite like Blair’s father who left his family for another man. Not quite the same circumstances but similar ballpoint. And it hurt that your father put effort into seeing his other children and never you, despite your attempts. And you feel like he doesn’t care about you but instead you are just a burden that he is obliged to see every few months or so. It will drive you mad that the people around you will make excuses for him and will never understand. ‘At least he’s around’, they’ll say, if they called that ‘being around’.

You’ll hold on to this anger for a long time. A long time and you’ll bottle it up and express it at the worst of times. But if I can tell you do anything differently, it is to forgive. We all have our reasons and issues and it wasn’t what you wanted and it hurt but that’s okay. It happens. It's okay.

The girls at school are probably being mean to you. Well, not directly mean to you, but about you and rumours that aren’t true will go around and people will judge you on things you never did. Perhaps a punch in the face would be better?
So you’ll withdraw and stay on the outskirts, crushing on boys from afar and sticking to your small social group that you won’t be allowed to see very much out of school due to your strict household.
Nickelodeon is probably still your best friend during this time due to your lack of social life. But overall you consider yourself quite happy for now.

Something will happen and you’ll start getting noticed. The sudden loss of weight perhaps? Which we know was caused by the insecurities lead on from your family who consistently comment on your large behind and the occasional seconds at dinner you will get.
You won’t consume anything more than half your dinner and an iced coffee for the next couple years. But its worth it you think. The stomach cramps. The tiredness. At least you’re pretty, you think.

However, suddenly getting noticed by the people around you and in the year above won’t go down well with many people. You’ll be judged more intensely now, comments about you won’t be rare and even one of your close friends will react by joining in and confessing your secret insecurities.
You’ll find that reading books during your lunch break or sitting in the Art Room is more preferable. At least in your head and in Art any of your ideas, including starting a blog for instance, won’t be laughed at or shut down.
You’ll cry during a lunch break from the boys talking about your blog, laughing and mocking your attempts at fundraising. But you will come up with another name, hide your identity and go through with it. It won’t be much, but keep it up and in a few years you’ll be exceptionally happy with some of the responses.

I wish I could tell you that high school will not define your life. But most of all, I want to say that those who upset you, caused you to cry and withdraw are not all necessarily bad people. They were just as confused as you were, but their different tendencies and their talent at fitting in meant they had more friends, more power, and so while they were confused about themselves, insecure on who they were, and hiding want went on at home, they took it out on the weak. Perhaps they wanted to see the insecurity and confusion on the faces of others in order to distract them from their own.

But school isn’t the main thing I want to talk to you about. School was easy compared to what will await you after.

Don’t ever change for someone else, no matter how much you think you may love them and how much of a distraction they provided you with from everything, including yourself. Don’t let go of everything around you for one other person. But most importantly, don’t lose yourself.
But you will. Oh, how you will.
And it will be a dark time. And sometimes you will see things that aren’t even there. And you will be terrified. And you will blame every problem with your life on everything else. In denial – even delusional.
So, firstly, it will get better. It will take a long time and you’ll give up sometimes but sometimes you’ll also have a lot of hope.
Secondly, every problem and every answer that you will find was within yourself. And the sooner you realize that you can’t blame anything or anyone else, the better you will be.

But on a bright note, young one, you will be happy. In five years from now you will see the world differently; more positively and with more understanding. You’ll finally feel as if you have control over your life and it will be a great feeling.
And you will be with someone amazing. Don’t take him for granted.

 


Sunday, 11 September 2016

Nanga Mill

I spent the weekend camping at Nanga Mill which is located outside of a small town called Dwellingup, about one hour south and slightly east of Perth.

 
Everytime I come here I think 'I seriously don't come here enough'. It's a beautiful place and of all the places I have been camping, which there has been a few of, this is my favourite. There's a lot to do here from hiking, swimming, kayaking, four wheel driving, biking and just generally exploring.


 

I had a lovely weekend, though it could have been warmer as the three jumpers and jacket I was constantly wearing didn't help or stop my shaking and consistent complaining. There was also this  mist in the air from the sprinkling rain that would sometimes ease up before soon shortly returning.

Usually we come here in the summer with floaties and go swimming in the river with a couple bevvies but it was nice to see this place so green and lively. The cold weather didn't stop many other people from doing the same either and camp spots ran out really quick.

We got there at about eight pm Friday night. We ate burnt calamari, had a few drinks before having an early night. In the morning we were welcomed by a thick fog that hovered over everything, creating this eerie feel that gave me the desire to sit down and attempt a short horror story using the setting as inspiration.

Foggy morning
Stream that runs through the campgrounds
 
Once we got some more supplies from the mainland we took a small walk around the camp site. There's a long stream that runs straight through, with broken trees creating bridges and providing children with a playground before meeting up to the river where we usually take our summer dips. Then we checked out Marrinup falls. It isn't the greatest or biggest waterfall but it's long and worth the 1.6 km walk as the sight is quite lovely. We found three worms swirling around in a whirl pool that we rescued before heading back to the car with satisfying burns in our thighs.
 
 
Marrinup Falls
 
During the planning process of this trip, after several protests I won being able to supply food for the trip arguing that we ate too unhealthy everytime we went camping and so we didn't have to eat sausages for dinner. A slightly better alternative I thought was spaghetti bolognaise with corned beef as proper beef would be difficult under the circumstances. However I forgot the main ingredient: spaghetti so we cheated and went into the town pub for dinner.



On our way back to camp I saw a small bird sitting in the middle of the gravel road. It didn't move as we approached so I demanded we stopped so that I could pat it. I walked up to it, thinking it would move and realised it was a owl. It didn't, not even after I patted it or shined the torch in its eyes.

Surprisingly it let me pick it up which felt awesome to hold a wild creature, where I placed him down on the side of the road amongst some trees. To show me his gratitude he opened his mouth and I thought he was going to try and bite me.

It wasn't until we reached back to camp I realised he was probably opening his mouth for food and his small size was a result to him being a baby. I could barely sleep, hoping he would be fine and his mother would find him.
:(
 
He wasn't there as we left the next day. I hope his mother found him and a bigger bird did not.

Even now I regret not taking him home but he was wild, so I thought it would have been frowned upon. But if Harry Potter can have a pet owl surely I could too.
 
 
 
Miss him already



Thursday, 8 September 2016

Alita's September Faves of the Internet


 

I know September has only just begun but several days ago I stumbled across two blogs that I have become instantly obsessed with and spend every free moment at work viewing.

First: www.onthe-wayout.com


image
 
I have been following Jason Parry on Instagram for quite some time. He takes gorgeous photography and his short films are amazing. It was a great day when I found Jenny Penny on Instagram as well; a model, blogger and the gorgeous wife of the amazing photographer.


'On the way out' follows Jenny's life that I would die to have. Featuring photographs from her shoots and following the adventures of her and her lover with road trips and explorations. 

image
 
It's great getting an insight on the gorgeous Jenny (who is now my motivation to work out) and her wild love.
'Keep me wild' - is the couple's unique quote, even written permanently on each other's skin.  

You can also read how they met; on Valentines Day while she had a boyfriend but the chemistry was too much to deny. Six years later they are married and still in the love only so few get to experience.

Second: http://www.forloveandlemons.com/blog

Not only does For Love and Lemons sell amazing clothing (that I unfortunately cannot afford) but they have a blog too. It isn't necessarily the posts following the 'days off' with gorgeous beauties and models, but their 'Sleeping in With' posts I have found myself reading endlessly about.

Sleeping in with Julie Beekman and Ryan Lovelock
 
 
I thought that it was really cool that they would get an interesting couple, and ask them several questions in regards to their relationship. I know it sounds pretty boring, but it's great getting an insight on the secret lives of these people.
Jason and Jenny Parry were one of them. Alexis Ren and Jay Alvarrez (that you may know from 'couples goals' photos or you may even be one of their millions of followers on instagram), were another.
It's good to know that despite that they are living these AMAZING lives, their relationships are not all that different to ours.

Plus, reading some of the boyfriend's (often sarcastic) comments and responses to some of the questions are quite amusing.




Sleeping in with Alexis Ren and Jay Alvarrez