Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Life as a sensitive #1

I have always been sensitive. Sensitive to constructive criticism for instance. Sensitive to seeing others cry - and sensitive to change, no matter how large or small.

Sensitivity was always an unwelcomed trait. I had read up about it, and found that many people are sensitive like me also, causing influxes in their mood but with a great ability to put themselves in another’s shoes so easily and in such great detail.

Although this trait has been well known about myself, particularly from my childhood nick name of ‘sook’, it is only recently after being accepted to our very own apartment and constant discussions of furniture and colour schemes, that I realized that something even as simple as a mere colour, affects me.

I guess I had always known this after living with my grandparents for 15 years. The house was black, grey with splashes of red. That was basically the entirety of the colour scheme from my bathroom, the kitchen, living room and laundry, and it always had. Maybe that was why I always found myself choosing to dwell in my bedroom with coloured lanterns hanging from the roof and an electric rainbow bedspread; feeling content amongst the bright colours, as opposed to the lifeless grey.
We all know colours have a mood. Orange for instance is nothing less than happy. So is yellow, representing a cloudless summer day. A light blue is still and content, quite like the sky. But grey I find is dull and sad. It’s a great colour to sit amongst with a blanket whilst the rain pours heavily outside. But I am only occasionally fond of rainy days, mostly when they had not graced us with its presence in months, and so the reminder of such weather isn’t pleasant and brings only a sense of confinement as I wait for the grey to pass.

I love to wear red. It’s a bright and bold colour that I find suits well on my skin tone. But when my partner suggested the colour to be incorporated into our colour scheme I crinkled my nose and shook my head. Bold was nice to wear, but I didn’t need to be consistently shouted at by the colour in my home when I get home from work.

Red wants to be admired and it is a beautiful colour, so that wouldn’t be difficult. But it is not admired for its serenity but is admired for its uniqueness - difficult to find anywhere in nature other than the isolated plains of Australia, and it consistently demands to receive attention, whether your gaze provides it that willingly or not.

It is just odd how much detail I could go into regarding the mood and atmosphere of a colour, and even more strangely how much one can affect me. I don’t feel comfortable amongst red for long, finding I become restless, almost uncomfortable. Grey always has me feeling sluggish, yearning for the brighter colours of orange and yellow, or the rainforest greens, where I can sit amongst representations of the world and nature I feel the most me in.

So, anyway, what should be an exciting task of finding furniture and items for our new apartment has been rather difficult, particularly when my boyfriend suggests a black dinner table and dark grey couch. But we have compromised and decided on a beige sofa with orange pillows which I feel will mimic the sand and sun on our coastal beaches J

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

September in a nutshell

It has been quite difficult to maintain ideas on what to write these days. A year ago, it was effortless.
So I am going to try something new that even my lazy-and-suddenly-uncreative-mind can keep up with, and that’s by posting every month, summarising that very month by presenting a range of cluttered ideas, moods and thoughts.

August was a month of recovering from my overseas travels and job searching so I have little to say to about that month. Except that of course, I found a job that I am quite fond of and am currently in my second week.

September on the other hand has given me the desire and energy to explore. The wild flowers are blossoming so it would be a shame not to get in nature and admire Spring’s handiwork. The sun is rising earlier I notice on my morning jogs and images in my head of the summer I want to create excite me.

Mood { I guess we are all trying to get to know ourselves. I’ve learnt more about myself this year so far. I don’t think we truly know ourselves until we hate who we are. A strong feeling of dislikement for who I am seeped in early September – where I wouldn’t even want to be friends with me - and I didn’t know where to go from there. Now I realise the next step is to improve. Admitting is the first step.
(At least my dog loves me for me)

Idea { Maybe our drunk selves that we hate and pretend never showed their face that fateful night has something to teach us? Of course there are the obvious teachings that we shouldn’t have drunk so much or acted the way we did. But maybe that drunken idiot had a subconscious motive. And I feel it is time to let go of the people that brought that psychotic drunk out. Not that they were handing me the ammo or anything. But why did my other half feel the need to drink so much? Of course my other half likely has issues, but perhaps it was the atmosphere that my other half did not feel comfortable in.

Thought { I have begun to let go of those I consider negative energies, from my life. I haven't seen any miraculous changes so far, but I do feel as if a weight, albeit small, has been lifted from me.
The thing about 'negative energies' however, do not necessarily have to mean people who simply put you down. They don't have to be bullies. They don't have to be people you disagree with.

They can be very good people.

But they can not be good people, for you.

I realize that now. I was trying hard to establish and maintain friendships with people who may not have been suitable for me.
One should never feel that they question they're words prior to speaking them in order to fit in, or that their ideas or topics of communication are not welcome. For many people, those that I consider for myself 'negative' are perfect for many other people. We simply clash too much that I feel as if I am withholding myself if not, losing myself.

And it's okay to feel that way, no matter how many memories you may share. Because people change, especially yourself. And you will meet people who share those new interests and your way of speaking and find your topics of conversation interesting. Until you change again.

19th of September,
My friend and I made a video for a competition that was announced on Triple J. The objective is to make a video that showcases one's 'air djing' talents to win tickets, as well as other additions, for the Listen Out festival.
My friends and I already have tickets and so the prizes weren't what appealed me to the challenge.
I had been driving home when I heard about the competition, and instantly began to wonder 'what would I do in the video'. I had no intentions of actually making one, until I got home, shared my ideas with my friend and within minutes we were making arrangements.
She came over the Saturday night to film and edit and did not leave until midnight. We had an absolute blast making the video, laughing so hard that we couldn't stand straight.
Unfortunately we didn't win, but that's okay. I am glad we did it.
I did feel as if we embarrassed ourselves by posting the video to social media for everyone we know; for the people we drunkenly added on Facebook during a night out; for our family to see and risk them commenting. I know that we got quite a few disapproving opinions from people, and at first that had bothered me and made me consider taking it down.
But now I am proud; whether winners or not. Because I thought it was funny. And if I was able to make someone smile, then that is good enough for me.

Video available here:

Monday, 7 August 2017

Europe 2017

I have just returned from my first independent overseas adventure travelling around Europe for one month. Unfortunately my phone was stolen within the first few days of my trip which made it difficult to carry through with my promise of posting whilst there and for that I am sorry.

I can't say that I have returned as a different person. I learnt more about myself and those closest to me but return mostly with precious memories and experiences that I will keep forever in my journal and heart.

It was a trip of an absolute life time where I was able to get a taste of different cities and countries including France, Italy, Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Holland. Of all the places I visited, I have narrowed my favorite places down to three: Paris, Nice and Switzerland. Paris is of course one of my favorites because it continues to hold my favorite memory of all. After arriving and driving through the city on our coach we were able to hop off and explore the city on our own. It is also when I first became friends with Ashleigh and Lauren who are likely two of the best friends that I have ever made. Spending a whole month together can have that affect on you.

We hopped off the bus in Paris and ran to the lookout, squealing as we stared at the Eiffel Tower in the short distance away while tears trickled down my cheeks. We grabbed some crepes beneath the majestic monument which was an undoubtedly surreal feeling before purchasing a bottle of champagne, popping it in the garden and sitting below the tower with a hundred other people and listening to music that people played nearby. From that night onwards, we were inseparable.

Our Free day was spent exploring what little ground we could cover in the magnificent Louvre. If you are not a fan of art but admire architecture then I recommend going because the palace itself is a place worth seeing. 

It was definitely an eventful month filled with many laughs, dozens of bonds made and drunken nights in unfamiliar cities. We stayed for one night in Beaujolais, a town in the country side known mostly for its wine. Our Contiki group stayed in a Chateau with another Contiki Group, and it had been announced a day before that there would be a party held at the location with the theme of 'P Party'. Two of my favorite people on the trip, Kein and Phil, also best friends, went as a 'pair' and proceeded to wear matching shirts: one wearing 'Shake' and the other wearing 'N'bake'. It was extremely cute. Me, my sister, Ashleigh and Lauren had intended to go as Presents, but the lack of wrapping paper sold in Paris made that extremely difficult so on the day we reluctantly decided to go as pregnant. We were all worried about any judgement from the other trippers but found that we received a lot of attention and erupted quite a bit of laughs. 

Bad moms

Nice was a city I had been looking forward to but had not expected for it to be one of my top three places that I visited. The beaches were always swarming with people, many topless and buskers playing actually really great music created a vibe in front of the breathtaking view that cannot easily be copied anywhere else. 


One of the things I admired about France was the affection constantly shown from local couples; finding middle aged couples holding hands over the tables at restaurants, embraces at the beaches and in the streets as they all appeared undoubtedly in love.

One of my fondest memories is in Corfu Greece at our 'traditional Ionian Dinner' where I was able to smash plates as is the Greek tradition before we all danced with our arms around each other's shoulders and did an extremely long conga line around the restaurant. If you are after a real Greek experience I would not suggest going to Corfu, as it is a much quieter island with not very much of the Greek architecture we have all seen from Pictures, but our three days there were spent relaxing by the pool, drinking way too many Pina Coladas and allowed our group to spend more quality time with each other without the hectic and fast paced walks around new cities we had spent the previous two weeks doing. 
We also spent a day on 'Georges Boat' where we were able to go Parasailing and tubing. I went tubing with Lauren and Ashleigh, laughing our heads off the entire time and swallowing more salt water than desired, before relaxing in the water with noodles and drinking wine. The water was so clear we could see fish from deep below us and the water was so salty you didn't even have to move in order to stay afloat. 

 In Munich we rode bikes and did a small tour of the city before going to the largest beer garden in the world and attempted to ride the bike back tipsy. All the boys on our tour had placed bets that I would be the one to fall off. Although I did scratch my leg on the pedal and bled a little bit, I can proudly say that they lost their bets.

Sorrento, a location I hadn't given much thought definitely surprised me. The water was clear as day and while we all treaded water by the shore, our view of the rolling hills and houses and buildings built on it in different colors was beautifully mesmerizing as I had never seen anything like it.


Venice was also one of my favorite locations. It is just so spectacular in the sense that there is nowhere else like it. Transport was either by boat or by foot, but I was surprised to find how small it actually is so walking everywhere was a breeze. I also got to tick off riding a Gondola from my bucket list. We sang as we were pushed around the canals and waved at others who passed us. 

Switzlerland's never ending mountains and waterfalls is a place I definitely hope to return to. Sitting on the grass by our lodge and admiring the view was an activity in itself. I was able to see snow for the second time in my life as we traveled up Jungfrau mountain, also known as the 'Top of Europe'. 

Of course we also went to Amsterdam and to get the full experience that the city has to offer, we went to a live sex show. It was an odd experience with one show including a young girl with the ability to smoke from a cigar out of her hoo-ha but it was definitely worth going to.

Rome was a great experience but not entirely a place I want to return to. As a tourist there is much to do, but I find that I prefer to live as a local, wandering around the streets, visiting stores to merely look, try different restaurants and find pretty places to sit and watch the world go by. However, the heat and dirtiness of the city left us quite uncomfortable and we found that many of the prime locations to visit was quite a far walk between with little to do on the way and we spent most of our time borderline lost, hoping to find our tour manger in time for our next activity. 


The last night of our trip left everyone embracing and crying. It was hard to say goodbye to people that you spent a whole month with every moment as they fly back to the other side of the country and all you have is hope that we will all see each other again but we cannot makes any promises.

As we drank wine on the Amsterdam Canal Cruise and did the Macarena, I realized that although I may not have changed as a person, I did feel in that moment that this experience was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I am not sure what this new chapter entails but I am excited to see where it takes me.

Canal Cruise

I have also now been infected with the travel bug as I make plans for my next trip. Next stop, USA.

Sunday, 25 June 2017

3 Sleeps


First stop, London. 

I'll do my very best in keeping you guys updated regarding our adventures and the people we meet along the way. 

I can't wait to share my experiences and hope that this journey makes me better, fuller and provides me with inspiration for my writing. 

Wish us luck

P.S sorry for neglecting this blog once again. It seems I have very little to write these days, thinking that maybe my thoughts aren't even worth sharing anymore

Monday, 5 June 2017

Days Off With Alita Kay

Today is my first scheduled day off from work since last December. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. Weekends are great, sure. But there is something calming and soothing to know that the world is continuing as normal, my colleagues are at work whilst I am at home, drinking a cup of coffee outside in the sunshine that the weather so kindly provided me with.

The stresses of everyday life have really gotten to me. I remind myself that it passes, as it always does and I will again have a grasp of my life and have a clear future in mind. 
But of course, sometimes the reminder doesn't help. 

I have started my morning with a bit of yoga to create the beginning of a full day of unwinding. I will use today to do my washing that is overflowing in my basket and then I will spend the rest of the day painting. And I may even have a nap. 

This is my idea of a perfect day off. 

And if you are stressed, have been working or studying until your brain is tired and the only act of unwinding that you can mentally and physically perform is to watch television because you are far too exhausted to do anything else, then I suggest a day off for you too. Do the hobby that you never have time for. Sun bake in the sun listening to music or make a healthy smoothie. 

It seems we are so often caught up in doing what we feel we need to, saving money and working long hours until we are cranky, tired and our hair is falling out that we forget to look after our self.

And that is exactly what today is for. A day for my body to rejuvenate. For my mind to unclatter and receive some vitamin D that it so desperately needs. 

Hopefully one day there will be a time where not only is annual leave accumulated, but a day is provided to everyone once a month for them to simply unwind, retrieve their mental health back and prepare for another long month ahead, 

Monday, 8 May 2017


Most of the changes that have occurred in my life since leaving high school were completely out of my control and the only real thing I could do was adapt.
The first change had been almost immediately post-high school where I no longer had the same friends I had within those red bricked walls, nor someone I thought would be in my life for quite some time, and instead found a reuniting friendship with someone who helped me cope and as a result, helped change my life dramatically, mostly for good. I guess I am not proud of the way I lived in the year of 2013, but it gave me unforgettable memories and helped create who I am now.

The second change was the result of my still-current boyfriend. He calmed my life a lot and picked up the train that had gone completely off the rails, making me focus on my life instead of running from it. Perhaps I didn't get placed onto the tracks of the path that was specifically mine, but its definitely taking me closer I know that much.
I got a full time job as a result, learnt a lot about different industries, have been able to splurge and treat ourselves with both our incomes and it has also has taught me the value of money and worth of having savings.

I can't say that I loved my jobs; not all of them. But if it means having nice weekends and holidays away, then it was worth it. Mostly.

But the third change in my life is completely my decision and that is scary. Because like in all these chapters there have been times where I was unhappy and I don't doubt that this will be any different. But the difference is, I had something else to blame. For instance, in the first chapter I had circumstances and events and sometimes family to blame for any unhappiness. In the second I blamed the ideology that dreams are not achievable and are unrealistic but a solid income is not. And in this chapter I will not be able to blame anyone but myself. 

I have been working full time for almost 3 years which is very little compared to other people. I have moderately established my resume. Found understanding in 2 different industries and learnt many skills. 
I think it is time to step back from the 45 hour weeks for a short while and I do really hope that you don't think it is because I am lazy or unmotivated, because its not that at all (although, I do look forward to having less 5am morning starts and more 7am ones). 

I turn 21 this year. It's a big age. And if I am ever going to purse my dreams, then now would be the time. 

It is unlikely that you believe in 'signs' that hint to your correct path and encourage your decision making. But I do. 
And these past few months, people mostly, and the 'Tarot' exhibit I saw with my family, practically shouted in my face that I need to follow my dreams instead of playing it safe. I won't get anywhere unless I try. 

"We are more afraid of life than we are death", a tarot card had said. And that got me quite a bit in the feels. I would rather do what I know will provide me with income and let me live out a comfortable life, as opposed to following my dreams that don't have such a definite future. 

But for any of those pursuing their dreams, I admire your braveness and strength. And if you have any tips you would like to share with me, then I welcome them with open arms. 

Thursday, 20 April 2017

13 Reasons Why

My post isn't about the show I know you have all watched and don't need a recap because the memes on Facebook are there for that.
I am here to discuss the reaction from the viewers of the TV show I finished within 2 days of airing and counted down the days until it was on Netflix.

I am finding a lot of people, myself at times, and my boyfriend included, discussing how bad of a character that Hannah was.
A) she left her parents without even a goodbye
B) she didn't reach out hard enough to people for help
C) and she was hurt by Clay because he didn't confess his love that she knew very well was there.

I agree that she did these things and they were not right. But was she a bad person? 

Overall in the television series, I thought that she was a very relatable and down to Earth character. I admit that it took me a while to connect with her, but then when I did, I found similarities in the both of us.
In fact, I think most girls can relate to her. Because she isn't this quiet girl who hides in the corner feeling depressed. She was funny. Fun. She was normal.

And yet even though she was a representation of many girls all mixed into one, people are hating her because she didn't do enough?


Of course we would think that because we know what Hannah's inevitable fate is. 

And maybe, just maybe, she was portrayed in this exact light, because if you were to experience what she did, you would probably act the same way wouldn't you? You would shut people out, ignore it and hope it goes away. You would think that if someone was so quick to think so badly of you, then they probably don't even deserve to be in your life, correct? You would try to be as tough as she was.

I don't think it was just the act of bullying and the harm it can cause that this series wanted to shine light on. I think it was also the behavior of Hannah or the victim; the behavior that many people in her situation, feeling similar things, feels and does. 
It is to remind us that everyone has someone who loves them and parents who care. And seeing how they all feel post-tragedy with the loss of their beloved Hannah, it is so we ask ourselves if we could ever put someone through the same thing. It is so we don't do the same thing that Hannah did, despite how much easier it may be. 

Dig deeper people. 

Monday, 17 April 2017

T-Minus 70 Days Until Take Off

My sister and I are doing something different. Not. 

We are doing what just about everyone else I know has done last year or intend to do the same time that I do, and that is going to Europe. 

And if you think that just because our trip has already been done and completed by many people that we know and know if is going to stop or limit our excitement for this once in a lifetime trip, then think again. 

Because our trip is not just a holiday. And no it is not some soul searching journey that we will somehow find at the bottom of pints and shot glasses; it's a dream. It's something my sister and I had been planning since we 10. Throughout high school my entire bedroom was covered in pictures of the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and the Venice canals. 
I started saving when I was 14 years old in a jar I called 'paris'. However I only managed to save $30 in a year and unfortunately I eventually had to spend it. But I tried. 

We would both search images of the dreamy cities in Europe and I couldn't wait to finally watch Monte Carlo just to get a glimpse of the city I yearned to visit. 

So we made the decision last June, started planning and saving and paying for our trip one aspect at a time completely by ourselves (no help from the rents), and now only have to wait 70 days until our dream comes true. Together. 

So in the month of July I will not be writing much on here. Not that I have been posting often lately anyway (sorry), but I will be sure to keep a journal to transfer all that takes place in that month into the cyber world for you all to read. 

We can't wait for our contiki adventure. We decided to go with contiki so that most of the activities are planned out for us as I know that I will be to overwhelmed to think rationally. I am also so very glad to be going with my sister because she is strong grounded with a good head on her shoulders that will ensure we make the most of our days and don't get dragged into the party reputation that contiki so commonly has. 

I'll write another post stating the places that we go and the main activities that we do. I'd appreiaxiarw any feedback and advice on additional things to do in these places to ensure this trip is the best it can possibly be. 

70 days. I really can't believe it. 

Tuesday, 4 April 2017


Desperately in need a of a reset day... no week. Yes. A reset week.

Where I can pour out my creative ideas and write which I have had to suppress for the past few months due to tiredness, housing duties and work.

And as a result of this suppression, my creativity has been seeping from my pores in other forms. Pimples, for instance. And causing my emotions and reactions to act out in a strange and un-welcomed manner. 

But a reset week is off the cards because in approximately 80 days I will be on other side of the globe, or flat rock, roaming a country known as Europe. 

P.s here is me taking a photo with my dirty laundry as opposed to doing it. Adulting is hard

Thursday, 23 March 2017

We lied alot

An except from a story I am still in the process of writing, and quite honesty, starting:

We lied a lot. Nothing big. Nothing exactly major. 
Mostly on things we didn’t even have to lie about. 

They were less than white lies. They were more of exaggerations, mostly of why; of why we acted a certain away or why we did what we did. They were half true. Half not. 

They were the missing pieces in the explanations that we tried to give, in the hopes that we would understand each other for things we didn’t quite understand ourselves.

Monday, 20 March 2017

What Recipe Are You?

Quite often, and by 'often' I mean at least three times a day, I get into a mood where I severely dislike something about myself.
More than often it's regarding a body part that I was so unfortunately born with and would cost me a small fortune to have it changed, and the more I stare at it, the more I hate it and wonder how I could ever be attractive. This most frequently occurs after seeing a photo of someone else with the same body part, however a better one because they were blessed with better genes or something. 

Sometimes it may even be a characteristic within my personality and believe me when I say I try to change that about myself but unfortunately personalities are not surgically editable. 

After approximately five minutes have passed, my brain leads me to a quote I either read or heard on some television show and it never ceases to make me feel better. So I would like to share this with you folk so that on your most insecure days your brain will lead you to recall it as well and you will feel better until your next ridiculous and unforeseeable breakdown. 

I honestly can't remember how exactly it goes and I don't take credit for this but it something along the lines of cake ingredients. Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, maybe some cocoa powder, vanilla essence. Individually these ingredients are pretty boring and plain and to eat on their own wouldn't be all that desirable. But together they make one fine ass cake. 
It isn't exactly poetic but it is definitely true. 
You can't focus on yourself as individual body parts when they come together to make something pretty awesome. 

So there you go. 

Friday, 17 March 2017

You will never be a mans number one priority and thats okay?

The above was a caption that I stumbled on and beneath was what I thought was a beautiful abstract image of two souls of the opposite sex coming together in union. But what I read in the very large caption below haunted me for days.

After two days of searching and stalking months and months through my friend's Facebook profile I found it the picture. I bloody found it.

It's a segment from a book that was written by David Deida. This writer meant well; trying to encourage men to find their passion and purpose in the world. And it was relatable. And he geos on to speak more about women and for me, he was dead on. My relationships are my number one priority in my life.

I am not going to lie about the fact that I did feel sad. I confronted my boyfriend when I got home to find out if it was true, and therefore, true about me being basically just an amusing noise in the background of his priorities. He laughed and shrugged it off, so I rolled over and went to sleep, trying to forget what I had read in the first place.

I spoke to a friend from work about it and it sparked up an interesting discussion but we both ended up where the article had left us.
And maybe I am so vain and selfish that I want to be someone's whole world, or first priority.

But it was after a week perhaps that I realized how wrong this guy was. Or at least, how wrong his conclusion was. He states that a man is happiest when he is at work and things are going well. It's his escape from his family drama's and troubles. When work is going bad, he is stressed. And despite that his partner my try to cheer him and to an extent succeed, he is not really happy.

Just because someone is their number one priority in their life, doesn't mean they are going spend every waking second obsessing when they hit a rough patch. What kind of stable, trusting and committed relationship is that? People have other stuff to deal with and deep down they know their partner isn't going anywhere so why should that affect other important aspects in their lives?
Work is different. Work is not so permanent and a few rough patches could mean the end of your career. So yeah, duh, it sucks when work isn't going well.

Men often see themselves as the breadwinners of the family. They feel as if they need to support themselves and the ones they love. They want to see food on the table, a stress free household and a vacation at the end of the year where they can live it up stress and work free with those they care about.

Can David honestly say that men prefer to be at work then anywhere else?

I think he is right that work has a very significant impact on a man. Of course. It's the same for women as well but at the end of a hard and rough day at work, my boyfriend makes me feel better and I know that whatever happens, whether I leave or get told to go, I know it will be okay because I have him and he will help me in whatever way.

So maybe its the whole ideas of masculinity that contribute to this mindset by men. They want to be and feel independent. It's great to have a lending hand from their partner and they're grateful but they don't want to have to be in that situation where they need to accept help.

Speak up if you disagree with me and lean towards the ideas depicted by David, please. I'm open and interested to ideas.

But at the same while, although I know David is helping men find their purpose and happiness in life, I think he has the conclusion of it all wrong. Maybe he needed to dig deeper as opposed to just finding the patterns.

P.S I apologize for the awful quality screenshot

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Net Gen

Do you know what I think is one of the biggest problems with our generation? And now, I say this with a personal and hyprocritial approach as I myself, am too not immune to this trait.
But I believe one of our biggest problems is our determination to be so different from others.

I came to this thought when stalking someone's instagram profile and coming across a picture that says, 'don't just be another brick'.
But what is wrong with being a brick? Someone has to be brick. Or should we just have a wall with all these missing pieces; trying to fill the gaps with rolls of toilet paper or shells? What's the practicality in that?

Yeah okay, no one is going to point at a brick after one glance and say, "I like that brick. Yep, that one right there. That's my brick."
And maybe if we all come across as the same, it will be harder to find the best person for us.

But what I am trying to say is that we aren't all so different. We are all born and living in the same world - how different can all our thoughts and values be? Obviously not EVERYONE is the same. There are a lot of different kinds of bricks out there, afterall. But you aren't going to be the only brick just like you. There is plenty. Many. A lot. And there will be tiny little things that separate you from one another, of course. Just like no brick is EXACTLY like another brick.

But what's wrong with being bricks? Why are we trying so hard to be different? I think we need to celebrate our similarities.

It seems most people are on this road to be different, 'themselves', but I don't think many consider maybe the fact, that who they are deep down, is really not so different from someone beside them.

I wanted to be different. I wanted to be original. I wanted to believe that I was truly unique and in some very small ways, I am. There is no one exactly like me. But the difference is probably not very obvious. I am not that different. Not really. 

And that's okay. 

There are seven billion people in the world. 

Why are we constantly searching to be different? It is a satisfaction we will probably never have. 

It's good finding someone who thinks exactly like you. It's great finding someone with your same sense of humor. It is amazing having someone close to you with the same values. The same fashion taste. The same goals and aspirations. The same creative hobbies. 

Being another brick isn't that bad. 

I'm not saying don't try to achieve your goals of fame, riches or to inspire. Don't give up your creativity or ideas.
Just accept the fact that there is more than likely someone else/s out there with similar ideas, goals and creations and that really isn't so bad. 

If you were all to come together as bricks, imagine what kind of amazing building you guys could make. 

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Australia Day 2017

The annual public holiday where we celebrate this country arrived and it was amazing. We went out on a friend's boat to a little island called Little Island just off Whitfords beach. 
It was very small as the name entitles, but surrounded by reef where we all took turns snorkeling and swimming through caves and admiring the pretty fish. 

It was a last minute plan but I can gladly say that I thoroughly enjoyed my day. 

Lately however that has been a lot, like a lot, of controversy over celebrating Australia on the 26th of January. 
The day means different things to different people. In particular, the day reminds the original people of this land about the horrors and sad history that eventually followed after the first fleet arrived. 

I just want to say that Australia Day is not seen by the majority as a day of being thankful for the first fleet that had arrived on the same day 200 and something years ago. But instead, is a day where we show our appreciation, enjoy the public holiday with friends and family (some a little more than others) and reflect on the amazing country that is ours.

I celebrate Australia Day with a large feeling of patriotism due to my pride for this country. I am grateful for the education systems that we have; for the health systems available for everyone; for being clean and having a truck that picks up rubbish from homes weekly which is a luxury for so many other countries; for being a nation that encourage individualism, multiculturalism and accepting different lifestyles. 

We can't change the past, but we can learn from it. And every year that this day comes around, I am thankful that it seems we learn a little more each time. 

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Why Did the Lisbon Girls Kill Themselves?

If you're obsessed with the Virgin Suicides like me, then that probably means that you are well and truly into the double digits of the amount of times you have viewed the film, or perhaps read the book about 3-4 times now.

Perhaps it is the classic and iconic tale that triggered your obsession. Or perhaps you could relate to the themes. Or maybe it was the beauty in the language and imagery.

For me, it was during the time I was becoming interested in directors and had just watched the Bling Ring featuring some of my favorite actors. It was an odd film, I'll definitely say that. But I loved it. Especially the directing by Sofia Coppola, so I began to look more into her films. That's when I stumbled across the Virgin Suicides.

I had heard about this story before and had seen images back in my Tumblr days, so I rented the move from the local video store and fell in love. It was the imagery that I first fell for. It is a beautiful film with amazing aesthetics and I loved how it contrasted with the overall themes in the narrative. It was a dark story but the photographic shots were so lovely; darkness behind it or not.

A few months later I began to relate to the film on more levels than having the urge to recreate the shots. I fell in love with the story itself, watched the movie a few more times before buying the book, and dwelling even deeper into the narrative.

The thing I love most about this story though is that despite the number of times I read the book or watch the movie, I notice and understand something I hadn't before, and feel one step closer to understanding the suicides but never quite.
And the fact that the story is told through the eyes of a group of boys who had fallen for these girls, tried to learn and understand them but could never get close enough contributed to the dreamy and roar-ness of the story that does not sugar coat the girls and their tale, but is so beautifully realistic. 

The following is my personal perspective and discussion on the reasons and causes of the Lisbon girls' suicides.

Both in the book and the movie we know that Cecilia, the first suicide to occur within the family, had an astrology mobile (quite like her father had an astronomy one). Unfortunately in the book it does not go into much detail on what particular signs are hanging from her roof, but in the film we see an M and a crab. These represent Virgo and Cancer - which I know due to my 'mild' obsession with astrology. From my understanding of Cecilia, and clearly Sofia Coppola's as well, I am more than certain that Cecilia was a Virgo Sun sign and a Cancer Moon.

Being a Virgo Sun meant that she cared about the environment and animals, which is extremely evident in the both forms of narrative. Cecilia cared about the world that was slowly deteriorating thanks to the help of man, also evident by her love for the elm tree in the front yard and the passages in her diary.
Being a Cancer Moon meant Cecilia was very emotional - the most emotional of the signs in fact. But the hard shell meant she did not exactly show it. Behind her quiet and calm exterior was an ocean of emotions that she never shared, resulting in her bottling it up before sending her over the edge (pun unintended).
Perhaps this is not the reason for the first suicide that then triggered the others, but I do believe it contributed greatly. And, well, it isn't hard to notice that her sister's and parent's didn't exactly meet Cecilia's emotional needs.

After Cecilia's death, much like the infected elms, it 'released a poison into the air', infecting the other sisters who soon follow in Cecilia's steps. This was my biggest and first belief for the reasoning behind the deaths. I believed that Cecilia and her illness was toxic, and being trapped in the house for months, the sister's had no way of escaping it. The residue of death, despite that the fence was removed for safety reasons, still stained Cecilia's bedroom and the house. I believe the dying elm trees, that if left, would pass its disease to the others was a metaphor in the story. 

Bu then I began to believe the most common cause of the sister's suicides was due to the lack of freedom and containment. The girls were trapped in the house, practically held captive from life and the fresh air thanks to their overly strict mother. Each of the girls had somewhat personal dreams. Mary wanted to be a sophisticated member in society. Therese wanted to be a scientist. And Lux wanted to live a life of fun and teenage mischief but all were deprived of this.
They wanted to travel and see the world, which we know from their frequent ordering of travel books. But had only their imagination to do the exploring. 

The only time we are told in the book that the girls were getting better was when they began to see the school therapist. It is conclusive then to our knowledge that the girls had no one. They had no friends. And in the end of the story the boys and their extreme obsession and love for the Lisbon Girls, never actually helped. They tried, I will give them that. They wanted to know them and they thought they had. But the tragic conclusion of the girl's lives made it evident that they didn't. And they didn't help. 

I still don't quite understand the exact reasons. But I think that is what is so lovely about the story. It really makes you think about mental illnesses and the act of committing suicide.
But maybe I have been looking at it all wrong. Instead of trying to find one reason, maybe there are many. And maybe that is the mistake the boys are making too.
Because there never really is one cause, is there? There's many. All overlapping and influencing each other in some way. Quite like life and all of life's experiences. 

Perhaps if the girls' had reached out more for help, it wouldn't have ended this way. I don't know.
And perhaps we never will. And neither will the boys who tried.  

I know that this is just a story. But this film and book really connects and inspires me. It really is within the top three of my favorite films (Easy A just coming in first). 
And if a story can erupt something more than entertainment from the viewer; make them feel something, think and wonder, then it is gifted. And it's the only thing I ever hope to be able to do as well. 

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Positive Starts

There's nothing like beginning the new year with a bang, and by 'bang' I mean something being destroyed like for instance, my job. 

I guess losing your job at any time in the year sucks, for sure. But perhaps if it had taken place, when it was announced that I would no longer keep my role and title in a position that I that dedicated everything to, bent over backwards for, and often jeopardized my social status and seeing friends and family for, would suck at any time of the year. But if it had happened at the end of last year, I can't help but think that I would be sad for whatever was left of 2016 and go into the new year positive with a mindset that told me it was for a reason. 

But despite that, this is a good thing. I have been offered another position within this industry. In the eyes of employees this role isn't necessarily better, but, on most occasions the pay is. 

So this all happened in one day. Yesterday to be in fact. I cried a lot at first which I am not proud of. It's hard feeling like all your hard work that got overlooked and the shit you took for a year in the hopes that people would one day notice your achievements was for nothing.
But it isn't for nothing. Not at all. I know that now. 

It looks good on my resume. I have experience. And, thankfully, after applying for jobs on Linkedin and editing my CV, I was told that I still have a job. I am much luckier than most to be able to say that. 

I turned down an offer made to me five months ago to move to Canada this year because of my job. I argued that I had a very good position with so many opportunities to move up and beyond and I couldn't just let it go to travel the world.
Next year will be different however. I am feeling very inspired. 

I am going to save, accept that offer and travel, work and see the world. 

I guess my problem was that I was trying to be older by focusing on my career that did make me happy for a while. But in the end it was much harder, physically and mentally, than I had originally anticipated. The workplace bullying coming mostly in forms of passive-aggressiveness and demeaning  jokes wasn't worth it anymore. And for the first time in a long time, I am happy, and excited, and ready to act the age that I am.  

So, here's a toast to positive starts *raises and sips coffee*

Sunday, 8 January 2017

Back to reality

I have just returned from my holiday down south from the Margaret Region with sadness but also appreciation for the great time and break that I had.

I am back at work now. Things at work were going really bad for a while so I was overwhelmed on my last day knowing that I wouldn't step foot in the building for a whole week.

But less about work, and more about my amazing trip.

Me and my boyfriend and his family stayed in a house in Dunsborough, as they do every year. I had never even been to Dunsborough before I met my boyfriend but it has now come to be my favorite place in the world (so far).
If you think that Perth beaches are amazing and beautiful, then just wait until you get a sight of the ones down South.

We spent the week exploring and finding different beaches - some accessible only by fourwheel drive. Our house had a pool so many hours were also spent residing on a day bed, reading my book and drinking cocktails. Since returning many people have commented on my brown pigment from hours spent in the sun.

I would like to wish you all a happy new year also. I hope that 2017 brings you something new and delightful things and also as Kyle Jenner had said using terms worthy of cringing, I hope you 'realize stuff'.

Unlike my friends who attended the Origin Music Festival, my boyfriend and I spent it at the holiday house with his family and two younger cousins. It was actually really fun.

We set up the backyard with Hawaiian themed decorations and even the food followed suit. We dressed up with our colourful leis and kicked off the night with a game of beer pong. The only disappointment was that by 10pm, despite being a fairly hot day, it reached down 13 degrees, leaving us abandoning our outdoor set up, heading inside and having a boogie in the comfort of the warmth.

We also missed the countdown by like half a minute; the music too loud that we didn't hear the countdown occurring on the radio. But it was still a really great night and the next day I was not suffering too much from a hangover or experiencing a come down so I was definitely not complaining.

During the week we went out on Callum's father's boat to Meelup beach. The water was crystal clear so don't be fooled by the above image, as it was actually three metres deep. On the ride to this pretty protected beach we also went past a swarm of dolphins. It was magical. 

I was very hesitant on one of the days when my boyfriend announced that he wanted to go on an adventure, go four wheel driving along the coast and find new places, as spending far too long in a car makes me restless and grumpy. But boy did we find some really amazing spots. We visited four lookouts with gigantic rocks and crashing waves, found a secluded lagoon where I took a dip, before spending an hour or so on the clearest watered beach I had ever seen with pure white sands and stones and a beautiful island a kilometre or so away.
The above picture was also taken from our first stop; Wyadup rocks near Yallingup. 

Another lovely memory of my week away was having to be rescued by a lifeguard in the Yallingup beach. I clearly underestimated my swimming abilities when I swam out into three meter swell, got caught in a rip and had to hold on to a floatie as the lifeguard brought me back. Was exactly how I wanted to end my 2016. Haha.

For a summarised video of our trip you can head to my instagram where I have uploaded it