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Monday, 8 May 2017

Ch-ch-changing

Most of the changes that have occurred in my life since leaving high school were completely out of my control and the only real thing I could do was adapt.
The first change had been almost immediately post-high school where I no longer had the same friends I had within those red bricked walls, nor someone I thought would be in my life for quite some time, and instead found a reuniting friendship with someone who helped me cope and as a result, helped change my life dramatically, mostly for good. I guess I am not proud of the way I lived in the year of 2013, but it gave me unforgettable memories and helped create who I am now.

The second change was the result of my still-current boyfriend. He calmed my life a lot and picked up the train that had gone completely off the rails, making me focus on my life instead of running from it. Perhaps I didn't get placed onto the tracks of the path that was specifically mine, but its definitely taking me closer I know that much.
I got a full time job as a result, learnt a lot about different industries, have been able to splurge and treat ourselves with both our incomes and it has also has taught me the value of money and worth of having savings.

I can't say that I loved my jobs; not all of them. But if it means having nice weekends and holidays away, then it was worth it. Mostly.


But the third change in my life is completely my decision and that is scary. Because like in all these chapters there have been times where I was unhappy and I don't doubt that this will be any different. But the difference is, I had something else to blame. For instance, in the first chapter I had circumstances and events and sometimes family to blame for any unhappiness. In the second I blamed the ideology that dreams are not achievable and are unrealistic but a solid income is not. And in this chapter I will not be able to blame anyone but myself. 

I have been working full time for almost 3 years which is very little compared to other people. I have moderately established my resume. Found understanding in 2 different industries and learnt many skills. 
I think it is time to step back from the 45 hour weeks for a short while and I do really hope that you don't think it is because I am lazy or unmotivated, because its not that at all (although, I do look forward to having less 5am morning starts and more 7am ones). 

I turn 21 this year. It's a big age. And if I am ever going to purse my dreams, then now would be the time. 

It is unlikely that you believe in 'signs' that hint to your correct path and encourage your decision making. But I do. 
And these past few months, people mostly, and the 'Tarot' exhibit I saw with my family, practically shouted in my face that I need to follow my dreams instead of playing it safe. I won't get anywhere unless I try. 

"We are more afraid of life than we are death", a tarot card had said. And that got me quite a bit in the feels. I would rather do what I know will provide me with income and let me live out a comfortable life, as opposed to following my dreams that don't have such a definite future. 


But for any of those pursuing their dreams, I admire your braveness and strength. And if you have any tips you would like to share with me, then I welcome them with open arms.